Allan Freedman - a man from the future... lives in Chisinau!

Readers of "Journal de Chisinau" know you already as author of a column An American in Moldova. Besides being a journalist you are also an member of the men's movement in Washington, D.C. This makes you an interesting person to talk to about men, marriage, fatherhood and other issues.

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- You are a husband of a diplomat. You gave up your job and followed your wife … to Moldova. Explain to our Moldovan readers, how was this possible? A man cannot be a housewife! You see - there is even no word for it in English!

- A few years back, my wife and I set a goal to live and work abroad. When the U.S. Government offered Holly a job in Moldova, it represented the fulfillment of our shared ambition. As for my own career, I am a television producer and writer and I have found that I can do that just about anywhere. Besides, I had covered politics in Washington,D.C. for ten years and I was looking for a change. So moving to Moldova has opened new and exciting professional opportunities for me.

- What do you think how many compromises is reasonable to make while having a relationship / being married?

- No idea. But I do know that compromise is the most difficult part of marriage. If I had my way, I would not give an inch on anything. But I also know this would be a sure path to a failed marriage. I think the most important thing to recognize is that marriage is a team effort. No one person can succeed without the love and support of the other partner. And being a powerful man means not only standing up for what you think is right but also recognizing, listening and embracing the needs of your partner.

- In your case, the dinner cannot be ready in the evening when you come home, the rooms and laundry are probably not cleaned for you etc (I mean here by your wife). What is good in living together with a woman after all?

- Frankly, it's enough to have a sexy, smart women as a wife. I do not expect my wife to clean and cook for me, nor do I want her to. I want a wife to share life with, not act as my maid. My wife happens to be a great cook, and I love to have her cook for me, but at home in Washington I do the laundry and take care of the finances. We try our best to share domestic chores and it feels best when the load is distributed evenly.

- Tell us briefly what type of contraception are you using as a couple?

- Over the years, we have used birth control pills and condoms. I would like to offer as an aside that any man or woman who has sex in this day and age without a condom might as well put a gun to their head. Unless you are absolutely sure that you are in a committed monogamous relationship, you must practice safe sex. No one hates condoms more than I do. But having written about and witnessed people dying from AIDS I can tell you that wearing a condom is a pretty good alternative to experiencing the often certain and horrific death from HIV.

- I know that you and your wife have no children. You did not desire to become father? I think every man is proud to see that his sperm is fertile...

- Of course, "every man is proud to see that his sperm is fertile," and I was disappointed that we could not have our own children. But that disappointment has long ago faded as I embrace and relish the richness of my current life. The only real option to us was adoption, but neither one of us really wanted to children that badly to put ourselves through it. We made a decision a few years ago to live a life free of children. I am personally ecstatic about the decision, and enjoy the freedom that living a life without children has opened for us.

- Would you be able to compare Moldovan men in Chisinau with men in New York, where you are from? What are the biggest differences?

- There are 14 million people, or roughly 7 million men, in the greater New York region. That's roughly four times the size of Moldova. We have a pretty diverse population, white, black, Hispanic, gay and straight, so making generalizations is pretty close to impossible. I would say that Moldovan men are generally more macho than the New York variety.

- Macho? Is this something they tell in your men's movement that men are not allowed to be macho any more?

- Of course not. Men should be free to be anything they want to be, as long as they respect and honor their partners. Men need to grab hold of their power. Macho is very much welcome. And frankly sometimes some of the men in New York could stand to be more macho. My point is that being a man doesn't mean that you have to dominate a woman, and just only be macho. You're not any less of a man if you let the woman pay the check, or if you don't hold the door for her. If the woman is upset because you ask her to split the check, that's her problem. You're not her father, after all. She should be expected to take care of herself. I am not saying don't do those things. Frankly that's up the individual. I am just saying that's not what it means to be a real man. Being a man means having a clear and strong identity, having confidence in your manhood, whether its macho or anything else.

- Don't you think sometimes women demand too much from men: love, satisfaction, money, kids, being equal? Who would protect men?

- I have no idea. I think the important thing for men is to first figure out what he wants out of a marriage and a relationship and be clear with the woman. I believe that a man must claim his power inside a relationship, and that means not flinching from being honest and open with your spouse. That doesn't mean yelling or being macho. It doesn't mean not compromising. It means confronting your real fears and then being open about them with your wife, but also never forget to grab your balls and feel the delight and power in being the man of the house. If you never forget that you are a man, your woman won't either.

- I have an impression that Moldovan girls grow up knowing that the most important thing in their life is to find a normal man and get married quickly. What do you think what should a girl know for a successful life? What should the mental dowry of modern girls look like?

- I think women should be free to decide whatever they want for themselves. If getting married is their thing, so be it. But I hate the idea that women, or men, should behave one way or another. On a personal level, I find women who just want to get married to be pretty boring and unattractive. It's more interesting to live with a woman who challenges you. Women are sexier when they pursue interests outside of marriage and develop a life separate and apart from their men. Who wants to be with a person, man or woman, who does not think for themselves?

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Nasty questions were asked by Marje Aksli, editor of Iubire.md